Move on

How do you know when it’s time to move on? I’m going to flip this like a coin and make one side represent relationships and the other side represents employment. These are the two recent areas in my life that I have had to come to the harsh realization and make the decision to move on.

Why is it we recognize and see the red flags once we remove ourselves from the situation?

The first thing that comes to mind is “hindsight is 20/20”. This basically means you have a better understanding of an event after it has happened. Relationships for the most part are meant to be forever, well, so they say when you get married. Jobs aren’t necessarily meant to be forever, but a career could be. Relationships unlike jobs, you get to have a period of time called dating where you basically get to test out a person before making the commitment. Maybe college is this for the job aspect, but I didn’t go to college. To be in a long term relationship or career you have to work together with your partner/employer. Share the same interests, passions, goals, have and give respect, appreciate each other and not take the other for granted. It should be a two way street. I know this is very generalized and basic but no need to make it more complicated.

For some of us, staying in a relationship or job longer than we should have is easier to realize once we remove ourselves from the situation. For me when it came to jobs, I was always ready for something new once every 6 years. If you look at my employment history I went from working in the food industry after 6 years, to a manufacturing plant for 6 years. My next job I went from a behind the scene type of manufacturer to a nationally known beverage manufacture, and I lasted 6 years there too. Next I wanted to focus more on my family so found employment working with troubled youth and you guessed it, it lasted 6 years. Then I volunteered myself into a job that lasted 12 years. The next phase of my work history went through a two year cycle as I was going through a lot of changes / transitions in my life. Next I worked in public transportation for two years, and then the trucking industry, two different companies, two years each. Thankfully, I can say when it comes to relationships I didn’t have the same six year itch, but if I look closely and were to be brutally honest, I’m sure each 5 to 6 years, I questioned myself why I was staying in and putting up with what I did. I’ve always gone over and above, always making someone else look good, making someone or something else look accomplished or better. This is basically what I do, not only professionally as an administrator / staff, but a wife as well. Most if not all professions are to represent or communicate the benefits of a product, be it a beverage, clothing, jewelry, restaurant, education, etc. You have to believe in what you do. It is hard to fake that type of front for a long period of time and be good at it, let alone happy. A close friend of mine said it’s like selling or representing what you believe to be solid gold, to have someone show you where it has become tarnished and the gold plated surface starts to peel back. Another analogy explained to me was; Vegetarians are not going to be able to work at a steakhouse and tell the patrons how wonderful the meal is. As for my job, just like my marriage, I knew it was over long before I was able to admit it. It was hard coming to terms with and admitting you’ve accepted those things you knew to be wrong.

During this struggle, time slips by and it adds up to staying longer than you should have. It is a lot easier to start over in a job/career or relationship when you are the only one you have to worry about. When you have kids, you tend to be less selfish and more cautious. But change can be good, and shouldn’t be met with resistance. The best part, for me was being able to stand up to and putting an end to the emotional and physical abuse in my relationship. It took courage and self-respect. It started out as a difficult journey, but I can honestly say life has only gotten better.

I can respectfully say the same thing with regards to my jobs. Once I got to the point where I no longer respected what I was representing and knew too much of how decisions were being made behind the scenes that went against the mission, or my values, was when I first realized I was unhappy. But just like in a relationship you tend to think you can make a difference and continue to work to make things better. But to be successful the other party has to be receptive, respect your feedback and want to work with you to make things better. In certain situations and at one particular job, I would be vocal on what I believed was wrong, using the handbook as my ally. The only problem with this is when the ulterior motives of those in charge are more focused on money and presenting a false front (having no true checks and balances), yet they can’t fire an employee for doing their job and following documented policies. I was never reprimanded for being insubordinate, instead my responsibilities were redistributed to others less vocal and the committees I participated on, not only was I not asked to return, but they just stopped telling me when and where the meetings were. Self-satisfaction is experiencing and witnessing responsibilities taken away get dropped and things not getting done. Better yet, having your boss and your boss’s boss ask you to take on this new task they want to try. New task? Funny cause that was my job just a couple of years ago! Management can attend meetings until their butts get numb, but if you aren’t involved in your product or stay visible or connected to what you represent, what the mission/goal is, or what you want the world to see and believe, you’ve lost the ability to connect with your employees. Trust is broken, respect is lost and they begin to question their reasons / passion for why they are still employed there.

It does make me sad when I reflect, to have spent 12 years somewhere to only leave with the unspoken sense of “Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.” But I did give it my best and my all. The same feelings I had when my 25 year marriage ended. I've been at my current job (in health care) for two years now, and feel blessed to have this align with my Plexus business (health and wellness) and this job appreciates my talents/skills and insight from all my experience and allows me to continue to develop, grow and learn. I've always looked forward to my next work adventures and as approach my 59th birthday, I look forward to my life / relationship adventures.

So I’ll end with…

'You never know what you have until it’s gone, but you also never know where you can be until you’ve moved on.’

Just my 2 cents!

Shannon Tripp ©